Through Grief and Joy: A Musical Path to Healing

We often recognise the power of music - the role it plays in our lives. It can signify pain, pleasant memories, or even embody the places and people that have left a trail through our hearts. For 48-year-old Russian poet, writer and composer, Nina Belikh, music embraced the form of heartache, resilience and even magic, but ultimately, it has walked hand-in-hand with her along a colourful path.

“Music is my ally in both happiness and sadness.”

Belikh's life has seen its fair share of gloom. Her son, Michael, was diagnosed with a serious autoimmune disease at the age of 11. For the next two years, the hospital halls were what he called home, with his mother by his side. Belikh watched her son deteriorate before her eyes and at the age of 12, heard the doctors announce his death.

Even in the darkness, musical inspiration manages to seep through and take control of her spirit and fingertips: "Emotions, thoughts and experiences are accumulated in my heart and stored on various shelves. And then, in a certain moment, rush out and plead to be woven into music." Belikh describes the initial stages of her creative process as a physical inclination to come up to the piano, open the lid and place her hands on the keys. At this moment, she claims to know that music is on its way.

Fortunately, Michael survived the clinical death experience. However, his father and Belikh’s husband found comfort in an affair, and gradually distanced himself away from his family. Several years later, Belikh and her husband divorced. In parallel, Belikh yearned the support of her own mother, who had similarly turned her back on those who needed her most. At that time, Belikh started writing music and poems in earnest.

“Emotions, thoughts and experiences are accumulated in my heart and stored on various shelves. And then, in a certain moment, rush out and plead to be woven into music."

As many musicians’ musical journey begins, Belikh discovered her passion for music sat at a piano with tiny feet hanging miles from the floor. Except, that came much later. Instead, the start of her musical journey resembled somewhat of a magic ritual. When Belikh was only but a little girl, her mother would light candles, switch off all the lights and have the record player play Beethoven sonatas.

Not being a musician herself, Belikh's mother would opt out of listening to the music: "I, a tiny girl, was left in the room completely alone and would listen to the record several times in a row. For me, it really was some sort of magic!" By the time she turned seven, she had carried her newfound musical thoughts across her own piano keys, and into the classroom later that year.

Throughout her youth, spent mostly at a music school in Nizhny Novgorod, Russia, the thought that music would one day become her profession steered clear of her mind. Following her graduation from the music school, Belikh set her sights for Nizhny’s state university in pursuit of mathematics. However, musical notes kept disrupting the mathematical formulas, equating to an abundance of tickets to various concerts, provided by Belikh's piano teacher.

Last November, Belikh celebrated the 10th anniversary of her solo concerts. Now, music is the occupation of her life: "Of course, I am always surrounded by bright, interesting people who inspire me. I am exposed to all kinds of music—human relationships, love, nature, and an immense amount of music that sounds around the world. All that is collected in my heart and mind and then, asks to be let out, already in the form of my own inventions."

Though beautiful, Belikh's gift that keeps on giving has revealed greater dissonance. In one instance, waiting for yet another hospitalisation of her son's. As she relays, "music is my ally in both happiness and sadness." Already enduring the weight of her son's ongoing health battle, the nerves collected over the couple of hours waiting at home for the looming check-up took over: "I came up to the piano, opened the lid, and started composing a song - the most beautiful song about love."

“I am exposed to all kinds of music—human relationships, love, nature, and an immense amount of music that sounds around the world.”

Today, this song is one of Belikh's personal favourites. "During those difficult years, when my son was hospitalised continuously, my creativity kept me afloat. I continued composing, practising my piano skills and performing whenever possible. And that gave me the strength to live and to move forward", she shares.

To this day, Belikh's love for music escapes her lips and fingertips, sending waves of giggles, tears, and sometimes both, across multiple auditoriums in Russia. Her concerts consist of an enchanting blend of poetry, musical performances and anecdotes. This unique recipe is born out of Belikh listing through her poetry notebooks in order to find the necessary poem, absolutely intuitively.

Sometimes, music emerges first, and the lyrics hastily follow: "I sit at the piano and try to note down fragments of phrases and musical material simultaneously. Later, this all turns into a new song. Then, I perform my creations at a concert. Thus, sharing parts of myself and my feelings, thoughts, and experiences is directly conveyed to or elicited by the listener." Belikh's encounter with music is far from conventional but has proved that music encompasses a plethora of forms in one's life. However, the common being - love.